Can we stop judging our children based on report cards?
If, like me, you have school-aged children, reports cards are a big milestone, one that often precipitates many a parent-teacher conference. Earlier this week, I shared a quotation from my friend, the blogger Julie Philippon.
Image credit : Julie Philippon
*Translation: “Let’s try to remember that the effort is often more important than the result. Let’s value our children for more than the grades they get.”
This spoke to me, because I know that many children, despite their hard work at school, don’t get As or Bs on their report cards, for all sorts of reasons. The quotation is a timely and accurate one for this time of the year.
But what about the children who succeed?
You know, the ones who get really good grades?
I’m asking the question because it’s my reality. Both of my kids get pretty good grades. My daughter is a real achiever. Every time I think she can’t possibly get a higher grade, she does. Looking at her report card this morning, I saw a 100% (wow!), and most of her grades are over 92%. Her lowest: 88%, in music. My son continues to impress me with his marks, too. Most of his grades are in the 90s, making this one of the best report cards he’s ever had. I’m not telling you this to brag; you know that’s not my style.
I’m mentioning it because I feel a little uncomfortable.
My kids work hard. Very hard. As a parent, I’m filled with pride that they are able to see the results of their hard work reflected in their report cards. I know there’s more to life than good grades, but I understand how pleased they are to do well at school.
The question: to talk about it, or not?
It’s a shame that that’s where we are… feeling the need to question ourselves over and over before we do anything, say anything… for fear of giving offence, of being judged, or of the reactions of others.
It calls to mind something I wrote about intentions.
Here’s some of that piece:
If you’re happy about something… you’re bragging.
If you’re sad… you’re playing the victim.
If you keep quiet… you’re boring.
If you have an opinion that’s different from everyone else’s… you’re stupid.
If you offer advice or a tip… you’re annoying.
Can’t we simply be happy for someone who’s sharing good news?
Can’t we have empathy for the person who’s feeling down?
Can’t we have respect for the one who’s a little quieter than the rest of us, or who has a different opinion?
And can’t we keep in mind that the person who shares advice or a tip just wants what’s best for us?
In ninth grade, I got a grade of 100% in math, two report cards in a row. Wow. I was SO happy, because I’d worked so hard. I celebrated. In college, I found myself failing an algebra class. I spent hours studying for the final exam, and passed the class with a 61. I cried tears of joy. I was SO happy. I celebrated. Two totally different grades, but with the same result: total joy.
Why not celebrate both: effort, which leads to improvement, and success? When it comes down to it, a celebration is a little moment to recognize life’s small victories, no matter what they are.
Whether it’s a good grade, work well done, confidence gained or something else, every parent who chooses to share their pride in their child’s achievements deserves respect. Whatever the success may be, it has the right to be celebrated, rather than judged. Period.
Because there’s enough plenty of love, praise and words of encouragement to go around.
Jaime Damak was back on Global Montreal with an Easter themed segment.